I thought about watching from afar, hidden by the nearby trees or headstones, so I could avoid the onslaught of grief I was sure to be bombarded with. It was cowardly, but I was certain that when faced with the totality of my own grief, I would crumble under the weight of any extra. He was always so strong both physically and emotionally – I selfishly wished for his strength in that moment. If I couldn’t be strong, then I would at least be honorable and bear my pain publicly, for all who loved him to see.

It was by my actions that he was about to be put six feet under, and I owed it to him to be there.