Spectacular southern belle Emily Spankhammer is driven by love and the dubious advice of Sparkle, her mostly invisible pink unicorn spirit guide, into a quest for romance. But with Sparkle more interested in his own deranged bucket list, and men as reliable as a 1971 1.6L Ford Pinto Runabout hatchback, what could possibly go wrong? Circus performers, billionaires, detectives, and a menagerie of wild animals; Emily and Sparkle work their way through the available talent like two raccoons through a picnic hamper.

Doing for romance what Spinal Tap did for progressive rock, “9 Lovers for Emily Spankhammer” has rewritten the romance novel one cliché at a time and left it noticeably unhinged.